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Jan 17 2012

When I Loved Myself Enough – by Kim McMillen

by My Inner Space

For many years I lived with a guarded heart. I did not know how to extend love and compassion to myself. In my fortieth year that began changing. As I grew to love all of who I am, life started changing in beautiful and mysterious ways. My heart softened and I began to see through very different eyes. My commitment to follow this calling grew strong and in the process a divine intelligence came to guide my life. I believe this ever present resource is grace, and is available to us all. For the past twelve years I have been lemming to recognize and accept this gift. Cultivating love and compassion for myself made it possible.

The following steps are uniquely mine. Yours will look different. But I do hope mine give voice to a hunger you may share.

Kim McMillen

When I Love Myself Enough

When I loved myself enough...

When I loved myself enough I quit settling for too little.

When I loved myself enough I came to know my own goodness.

When I loved myself enough I began taking the gift of life seriously and gratefully.

When I loved myself enough I began to know I was in the right place at the right time and I could relax.

When I loved myself enough I felt compelled to slow down way down. And that has made all the difference.

When I loved myself enough I bought a feather bed.

When I loved myself enough I came to love being alone surrounded by silence, awed by its spell, listening to inner space.

When I loved myself enough I came to see I am not special but I am unique.

When I loved myself enough I redefined success and life became simple. Oh, the pleasure of that.

When I loved myself enough I came to know I am worthy of knowing God directly.

When I loved myself enough I began to see I didn't have to chase after life. If I am quiet and hold still, life comes to me.

When I loved myself enough I gave up the belief that life is hard.

When I loved myself enough I came to see emotional pain is a signal I am operating outside truth.

When I loved myself enough I let the tomboy in me swing off the rope in Jackass Canyon. Yes!

When I loved myself enough I learned to meet my own needs and not call it selfish.

When I loved myself enough the parts of me long-ignored, the orphans of my soul, quit vying for attention. That was the beginning of inner peace. Then I began seeing clearly.

When I loved myself enough I began to see that desires of the heart do come, and I grew more patient and calm, except when I forgot.

When I loved myself enough I quit ignoring or tolerating my pain.

When I loved myself enough I started feeling all my feelings, not analysing them really feeling them. When I do, something amazing happens. Try it. You will see.

When I loved myself enough my heart became so tender it could welcome joy and sorrow equally.

When I loved myself enough I started meditating every day. This is a profound act of self-love.

When I loved myself enough I came to feel like a gift to the world and I collected beautiful ribbons and bows. They still hang on my wall to remind me.

When I loved myself enough I learned to ask 'Who in me is feeling this way?' when I feel anxious, angry, restless or sad. If I listen patiently I discover who needs my love.

When I loved myself enough I no longer needed things or people to make me feel safe.

My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.

When I loved myself enough I gave up perfectionism that killer of joy.

When I loved myself enough I could tell the-truth about my gifts and my limitations.

When I loved myself enough I quit answering the telephone when I don't want to talk.

When I loved myself enough forgiving others became irrelevant.

When I loved myself enough I could remember, during times of confusion, struggle or grief, that these too are part of me and deserve my love.

When I loved myself enough I could allow my heart to burst wide open and take in the pain of the world.

When I loved myself enough I started picking up litter on the street.

When I loved myself enough I could feel God in me and see God in you. That makes us divine! Are you ready for that?

When I loved myself enough I started writing about my life and views because I knew this was my right and my responsibility.

When I loved myself enough I began to see my purpose and gently wean myself from distractions.

When I loved myself enough I saw that what I resisted persisted like a small child tugging my skirt. Now I am curious and gentle when resistance comes tugging.

When I loved myself enough I learned to stop what I am doing, if even for a moment, and comfort the part of me that is scared.

When I loved myself enough I learned to say no when I want to and yes when I want to.

When I loved myself enough I saw beyond right and wrong and became neutral. At first I thought this was indifference; now I see the clarity that comes with neutrality.

When I loved myself enough I began to feed my hunger for solitude and revel in the inexplicable contentment that is its companion.

When I loved myself enough I could see how funny life is, how funny I am and how funny you are.

When I loved myself enough I recognised my courage and fear, my naivety and wisdom, and I make a place for each at my table.

When I loved myself enough I started treating myself to a massage at least once a month.

When I loved myself enough I realised I am never alone.

When I loved myself enough I stopped fearing empty time and quit making plans. Now I do what feels right and am in step with my own rhythms. Delicious!

When I loved myself enough I quit trying to impress my brother.

When I loved myself enough I stopped trying to banish the critical voices from my head. Now I say, Thankyou for your views' and they feel heard. End of discussion.

When I loved myself enough I let the part of me that still misses Kent feel sad instead of trying to stop her from loving him.

When I loved myself enough I began buying a hostess fruit pie for the teenager in me who loves them so. Once in a while, cherry.

When I loved myself enough I quit trying to be a saviour for others.

When I loved myself enough I lost my fear of speaking my truth for I have come to see how good it is.

When I loved myself enough I began pouring my feelings into my journals. These loving companions speak my language. No translation needed.

When I loved myself enough I stopped seeking 'experts' and started living my life.

When I loved myself enough I came to see how my anger teaches about responsibility and my arrogance teaches about humility, so I listen to both carefully.

When I loved myself enough I started eating organically grown food (except for those occasional fruit pies of course).

When I loved myself enough I could be at ease with the comings and goings of judgement and despair.

When I loved myself enough I was able to be treated to a $50 haircut and enjoy every minute of it.

When I loved myself enough I quit having to be right which makes being wrong meaningless.

When I loved myself enough I learned to grieve for the hurts in life when they happen instead of making my heart heavy from lugging them around.

When I loved myself enough I forgave myself for all the times I thought I wasn’t good enough.

When I loved myself enough things got real quite inside. Real nice.

When I loved myself enough I began listening to the wisdom of my body. It speaks so clearly through its fatigue, sensitivities, aversions and hungers.

When I loved myself enough I quit fearing my fear.

When I loved myself enough I quit rehashing the past and worrying about the future – which keeps me in the present where aliveness lives.

When I loved myself enough I realized my mind can torment and deceive me, but in the service of my heart it is a great and noble ally.

When I loved myself enough I began to taste freedom.

When I loved myself enough I found my voice and wrote this little book.

About Alison McMillen, January 2001

My mother died in September of 1996, at the age of 52, only a few short months after writing this book. She was not ill and did not know that she was going to die. Her death was very sudden and it deeply shocked everyone who knew her. It has been very difficult for me, as well as her friends and family, to cope with live without her. She died too young, and I am aware of her absence every waking moment. More about Alison McMillen.


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jan johnston said, on January 17, 2012, 4:11 pm

Thank you BainUltra for sending this to me.
This message will travel around the world to my sisters and their friends.
God bless this amazing woman and her daughter for sharing.

Anonyme said, on January 21, 2012, 5:58 pm

Thanks for these soothing thoughts.
They are like flowers on the snow!..."

« MERCI pour ces pensées des plus réconfortantes.
Des fleurs sur la neige!.................. »

Rayshelon said, on January 30, 2012, 10:32 pm

You've really impressed me with that answer!

Ruth said, on February 3, 2012, 3:30 am

Like the blog

Val said, on August 3, 2013, 3:31 pm

A beautiful reflection of this amazing woman's soul.. Her belief in what she has written
Helped me to believe in me again.. Thank you Thank you..

Val said, on June 6, 2014, 9:50 pm

I gifted my daughter with the beautiful book " when I loved myself enough" and how it has touched her life.. This book I carry everywhere with me.. It's magical
My soul is so Grateful for your wisdom an truth

vuyo said, on August 28, 2014, 5:17 pm

this is a beautiful and touching book it motivates me in believing in myself and never give up in me,and love my self and to look forward and never regret, it made me stronger than I was...Thanks alot

Andrea said, on January 4, 2015, 12:05 am

Just love it and grateful for Kim and Alison...

Shona Mcinally said, on July 26, 2015, 7:13 pm

Beautiful words. I will read them often

Mike said, on September 22, 2015, 3:33 am

Lovely... Thank you! I Blessed confirmation. . . .

Katie said, on December 2, 2015, 10:31 am

Beautiful! Just Beautiful! 🙂 Thank you for sharing 🙂

Therese Hicks said, on July 9, 2017, 7:20 am

I would like to connect with Alison McMillen about her book. Can you let me know how to get in touch with her?

My Inner Space said, on July 12, 2017, 2:33 pm

Hi Terese, thanks for the comment. Sorry we don't have a way to do this.

Anonymous said, on August 7, 2017, 3:58 am

I read it in an hour Alison an Kim is no longer with us. Though lives within each page, I am deeply saddened and reminisced of my own mum who now has dementia My mum is everything to me and is 78 I am 47 i never My heart weeps for your loss. may God grace you with love and mercy. Kindest compassion
Angela Andromedas

Selina Egan said, on February 9, 2018, 10:40 am

I bought the book yesterday and finished it today. What an amazing find and inspiration.
I weeped when I read about your mother's passing, i am honoured she shared such grace and wisdom. And to honour your mother I will take her inspirational message forward in my life and learn to love myself x said, on February 21, 2018, 3:30 am

I am visiting family in NewZealand and i just accidentally came to this blog,i loved the words so much that i immediately ordered the book for moi daughter in India...i wanted the book to hug her with its warmth...she just received it ...and is so excited to receive such a precious little gift of love....

Kim irvine said, on August 10, 2018, 9:11 am

Is there a way to buy the book wholesale for my retail shop? I bought my copy about 10 yrs ago in Mahone Bay Nova Scotia at a gift shop just after my mom died and I have loved it since...I’d like to share that experience by selling your book in my shop.

My Inner Space said, on August 13, 2018, 2:53 pm

Hi, sorry, we are not the original authors and do not sell the book.

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